I got old to quick!

I look back three years ago and think where did that woman go? My husband and I would take our son biking on the weekends. We would go on long walks. I was working full time, a mom, a wife. We where a young family really having a lot of fun.  I found out I was pregnant in November of 2008, we where sooo happy. That is where the sands of times started to turn. As my baby grew my body decided it no longer liked me. Ok, I know when your prego you may have some morning sickness, I had all day everyday sickness for real. Most women gain a few pounds not me not even one. The day I went home from the hospital after having him I weighed about 25lbs less then I did the day I found out I was having him. I also had kidney stones when I was 18 weeks along. I had to go in for sonograms every two weeks because of the weight loss to make sure he was growing, and because there was to much fluid about the baby. Ok so fast forward I have him.  Three, four, five months past and I just can't seem to get my energy back, I have this non-stop head ache, I can't sleep. I am sooo tired. I know by this point it is past the readjusting point and that something is wrong. Before we get into this let me just say I love Jonathan the Dr. think the pregnancy my have brought this all on. That doesn't even matter I would still go back and have him again because I love him he completed our family.  Ok back to the story, they started testing me for this and for that. Can't find anything. At this point my arms and legs hurt all the time. After a MRI the rule my head ache as Migraine's, but still no answer for everything else so more and more test. Ok it looks like I might I Lyme disease so the start treating me for that. They start with a months worth of one antibiotic. I start the antibiotic, with each pill I take I seem to itch a little more my feet start to swell. My legs start to swell got red and hot. Yeah I was allergic. So I needed a new antibiotic, I get one take it for a month. Being on a strong Antibiotic for a month come with it's own issues. After all of that I find out I never had Lyme. After about three or four more months a spinal tap and to many test to count they decide that I have Fibromyalgia I no longer work. I am in a lot of pain most of the time. I went form taking NO meds in 07 to taking 11 now most of these I take at least twice a day. There is this grand thing the call Fibro Fog that is great. It is just that a foggy brain. Feels a lot like seeing a person at a party that you know you know but not being able to think of their name, or walking in a room to get something and not remembering what it was. I also take Topamx for my migraines one of its s is side effects Topafog yes same thing as Fibro Fog, yeah me double dose. So sometimes talking to me is a lot of fun just ask my husband (I am so lucky to have him he has been my rock) I love him! The pain I can handle, stupid me I can handle. What gets to me is I feel like I am letting my children down. My oldest son has lost the "Mom" he once knew, and my youngest son will never get to meet her. Christian(8) gets so mad when I can't do something, forget something or when I just don't want touched because it hurts to bad. Jonathan(2) will never have that mom that runs and plays, rolls around in the grass, has water battles in the sun with him. I wonder if they will grow up mad because I didn't do more. I feel like I have become a spectator in my own life, watching my children grow up while I sit on the side lines. It is like I woke up one morning old, tired and worn out. I just want my body back. I love my family I just want to be able to join in the fun is that to much to ask?