1. I knew my dad would get over the cancer, but now he is drinking so we traded apples or oranges. I love my dad I knew that the cancer would not kill him at that time drinking was not even on my mind, I don't have that same feeling about drinking and my dad I think that the drinking will kill him.
2.I give food at stores if there is a food drive, at Christians school any where I see one. I send penny's or other change to school with Christian for the class penny race that goes to the food bank. I put money in the little card holders at stores that say feed the children or that type of stuff. I have given money to homeless people on the street, paid for someone food in front of me if they did not have enough and they looked like they needed a little help, even if it meant I had to go without eating. John and I have been there when getting by with little food was hard, and I don't want to stand by and watch and do nothing.
I do not hate God, I know he is there. I am just mad at him. My son has such a hard time with so many things and that is so hard as a MOM to have to watch your young child go through. Christian has such a good heart that gets overlooked because he has a hard time sitting for 8hours. He wants to learn, to read, to do math. He loves school even when the other kids don't want to play with him. He is far far from the perfect kid I know this. He has ADHD his brain is hardwired wrong. He was a child born out of love that was wanted by both his father and I . He has been loved and cared for every day of his live and still he is broken, God sent me a broken child and that makes me mad. I would never want to re-place Christian but if I could fix that part of his brain and make his life better I would. And I am in pain 24/7 I feel like I have the flu every day. I hurts to walk, my brain gets foggy and I forget what I am trying to say. You look really stupid when you can't remember how old your son is or who is teach is, and your just standing there going um um yeah. Before I had Jonathan I was fine. No pain, no fog. I love my baby sooo much. He make our family a complete family. Just like a wedding ring is round and never ending Jonathan was that missing piece of our ring now our family is never ending. But at times I find my mind wondering off about what if I never had him would I still be well. What kind of mother thinks things like that? I know God is there, but when I go to church my skin crawls, I don't feel God in church I feel greed. I feel laws that are broken be covered up. I feel judged. I do feel God when I am out in Nature but nature doesn't speak back. I just think I am going through a rough time. This has never happened to me before. I have always know who I was and what I believed in. Being sick makes me feel weak. Maybe my weakness is what I am blaming on God
2.I give food at stores if there is a food drive, at Christians school any where I see one. I send penny's or other change to school with Christian for the class penny race that goes to the food bank. I put money in the little card holders at stores that say feed the children or that type of stuff. I have given money to homeless people on the street, paid for someone food in front of me if they did not have enough and they looked like they needed a little help, even if it meant I had to go without eating. John and I have been there when getting by with little food was hard, and I don't want to stand by and watch and do nothing.
I do not hate God, I know he is there. I am just mad at him. My son has such a hard time with so many things and that is so hard as a MOM to have to watch your young child go through. Christian has such a good heart that gets overlooked because he has a hard time sitting for 8hours. He wants to learn, to read, to do math. He loves school even when the other kids don't want to play with him. He is far far from the perfect kid I know this. He has ADHD his brain is hardwired wrong. He was a child born out of love that was wanted by both his father and I . He has been loved and cared for every day of his live and still he is broken, God sent me a broken child and that makes me mad. I would never want to re-place Christian but if I could fix that part of his brain and make his life better I would. And I am in pain 24/7 I feel like I have the flu every day. I hurts to walk, my brain gets foggy and I forget what I am trying to say. You look really stupid when you can't remember how old your son is or who is teach is, and your just standing there going um um yeah. Before I had Jonathan I was fine. No pain, no fog. I love my baby sooo much. He make our family a complete family. Just like a wedding ring is round and never ending Jonathan was that missing piece of our ring now our family is never ending. But at times I find my mind wondering off about what if I never had him would I still be well. What kind of mother thinks things like that? I know God is there, but when I go to church my skin crawls, I don't feel God in church I feel greed. I feel laws that are broken be covered up. I feel judged. I do feel God when I am out in Nature but nature doesn't speak back. I just think I am going through a rough time. This has never happened to me before. I have always know who I was and what I believed in. Being sick makes me feel weak. Maybe my weakness is what I am blaming on God
This goes along with my aunts thoughts
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